consortium meetings

Consortium meetings

I am sitting in my hundredth consortium meeting and scribbling this blog to fight a serious attack of boredom which is overwhelming my whole being. Consortium meetings have their own group dynamics which needs to be followed meticulously and carefully.

            The less important people i.e. senior officers of smaller banks, who are conscious of their lower status in the pecking order but resent it, come late to prove a point that they also are important. They are, however, careful not to be so late that the meeting would start off without them. They keep sending messages to their minions, who arrive early to reserve important seats for their bosses, about their whereabouts.

            These worthies keep striving to keep their inflated egos airborne by asking for green tea when everyone is having juice or vice versa. They spurn cookies and ask for roasted (not fried) almonds (not cashew nuts) and throw a minor tantrum if these are too salty.

            These gentlemen always dress garishly; and prefer suits with loud stripes and psychedelic ties. After the meeting kicks off, the Company bore, normally the CFO, launches into a 50 page power point presentation starting with the company’s genesis as a mom and pop shop in 1918. By slide 2, everyone whips out his blackberry and starts playing BRICKS seriously (Bricks is the only game which comes free with the blackberry). Then, the ritual of picking up the cell phone and walking out while furiously whispering into it, and returning in the same manner, starts. The movement of people in and out of the meeting hall closely resembles the ten hats of an expert juggler in the circus. Then the presentation mercifully ends and the serious discussion starts. As the company officials would already have taken care to speak to Individual bankers, the consensus is quickly and smoothly achieved. The pompous ass tries feebly to disagree on some minor trivia but is disdainfully ignored by everyone. The leader concludes the meeting succinctly and then the serious business of wining and dining starts.

Time for me to mutter my well-rehearsed excuse and make my exit before the garishly dressed boor launches into his limited stock of dirty jokes.