Bhaiya kaka

BHAIYA KAKA

The current brouhaha about molestation and attempted rape, triggered by the Tarun Tejpal and justice Mukherjee controversies has invoked a raging discussion on the many ways in which women are sexually abused at home and outside. This brought back some of my memories which were long forgotten and buried. Every family has that one uncle who is a lech and a pervert. Women instinctively know to steer clear of them and warn the girls about them also. But sometimes, things are not so black and white. Some people always give you the feeling of sliminess and creepiness when they are in female company but you cannot put your finger on their exact transgressions.

            Bhaiya kaka, my father’s first cousin, was one such character. When I was growing up, he was well past his prime and was a balding pot-bellied man with faux dentures. Often you would find him chewing a wad of tobacco, his mouth too full of spit to speak coherently. He mostly communicated in grunts and sign language. At all family gatherings, it was customary to touch the feet of elders. That was his chance. As soon as a lady or a girl bent down to touch his feet, he would hold her arms and give her a hug. In our family, physical contact of this kind was a no no and it always irritated me and my cousin Parag, who were in our teens. My cousin sisters, who were in various stages of tweens and teens, were equally peeved by his behaviour. The other older ladies in the family, however, did not seem to mind his hugs much and would laugh them off till I, Parag and the younger ladies started talking about them after the family broke up post such gatherings. Every time the girls would try to either forget (?) to touch his feet or try to get off with a quick perfunctory namaskar,  Bhaiya kaka was quick to remind them of their manners and equally quick to hold their arms and snatch a hug if they tried to sneak away with a half bend. Every time, he made a successful hug, I and Parag used to fume and curl our fingers in suppressed rage. When home, we would loudly protest against Bhaiya kaka’s excesses and vow to insult him, or even hit him if he did it again. We were, however, always chastised for being so brash and disrespectful, by the older ladies in the house. My grandmother always forbade us from doing anything rash. Bhaiya kaka never went beyond a hug and nobody reported a grope or anything more objectionable.

            Thereafter, it was always a dodging game which we, i.e. I, Parag and my cousin sisters played with Bhaiya kaka, at all the family congregations. To our frustration, however, we always lost against the guile of Bhaiya kaka and the indifference of the older ladies in the family. Luckily, age soon caught up with Bhaiya kaka and he was too old to run around hugging women. We could almost sense his frustration at family meetings and gloated about it.

            Bhaiya kaka was either a lech or a compulsive hugger of women, we would not know for sure. Today, I do not remember anything about him except his obnoxious behaviour, which  went unpunished. I don’t think he was a closet rapist, but you never really know the boundaries of a pervert human mind. Interestingly, it    were always the older women in the family who restrained the boys from doing anything drastic about his excesses and the men simply did not condescend the subject a serious discussion.